Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result
Great step meeting on the first part of the 12th step. The sharing at The Jupiter Inlet Men's Step Group clearly defined the difference between a spiritual experience and awakening. Tell us your experience .
Thursday, February 22, 2007
PSYCHIC CHANGE OF RICK C.
"Breath--breath" shouted the EMT. "We've got to stop the bleeding screamed another." I desperately tried to make sense of it all---the flashing lights and loud shrieking siren-- where was I going and why--what had happened --returning to consciousness was like coming up for air knowing I needed to take a deep enough breath to keep me going while I went back under.
Soon after arriving at St. Marys hospital the reality of what was happening started to set-in. I awoke on a gurney in a brightly lit emergency room---like emerging from previous black-outs I tried to put the pieces together before getting caught not knowing --I had a vague and painful recall of a car accident--first I thought - did I have alcohol or drugs in the car--did I hit anyone---I was terrified. I remembered the ambulance ride, frantic paramedics, needles-stitching and a angry doctors comments about drunk drivers.
"Oh-man", I said to myself, "you got yourself into a jam this time." There seemed to be no place to turn and no one to blame and no way to think my way out of what was happening. I felt trapped. The reality of of what was happening collided with the accumulated guilt and remorse of 10 years of alcoholic drinking and thinking. There seemed no way out--no con to pull--no scam to be had--no drink or drug to help me escape. I felt totally hopeless , terrified and alone.
As I began to weep a overwhelming sensation gripped me from head to toe. I sensed a presence. It was completely strange and yet comforting. I had emerged from black-outs to find myself in emergency rooms,drunken motorcycle wrecks , street benches and even jail, but I had never felt this way. It was clear that the charade was up and no longer could I live and pretend that drinking alcohol was not a problem and more importantly-I no longer had to....... In an instant I owned the wreckage of my past and just as quickly a feeling of complete and total surrender consumed me......I emerged from this free-fall knowing with as much certainty that the sun will rise that I never had to drink again and everything was going to be all right. Exhausted and filled with a great spirit I wept tears of joy and passed out.
Maybe 5 minutes -perhaps hours later-the curtains around my hospital bed were pushed aside by a doctor and a policeman. "I have good news" said the policeman-"I have bad news" said the doctor. The policeman explained that I had passed-out while driving, crossed a medium and crashed into building. He said that no one else was injured and if it had not been for a passerby calling 911 I could have bled to death. "That's the good news. Now the bad news "said the doctor " your neck is broken and you are experiencing some paralysis-we do not know the extent of your injuries, you could be in traction with a metal halo screwed into your head for 90 days or we may have to operate. The policeman is here for a sample of your blood in order to determine its alcohol content" and rather abruptly he ended with "any questions?"
And so began--on 5/12/85 The end of one life and the beginning of another. Thank God I got to AA soon after to put words to what happened to me in that emergency room and allow the fellowship of AA to nurture Gods gift of a spiritual experience into a spiritual awakening.
Soon after arriving at St. Marys hospital the reality of what was happening started to set-in. I awoke on a gurney in a brightly lit emergency room---like emerging from previous black-outs I tried to put the pieces together before getting caught not knowing --I had a vague and painful recall of a car accident--first I thought - did I have alcohol or drugs in the car--did I hit anyone---I was terrified. I remembered the ambulance ride, frantic paramedics, needles-stitching and a angry doctors comments about drunk drivers.
"Oh-man", I said to myself, "you got yourself into a jam this time." There seemed to be no place to turn and no one to blame and no way to think my way out of what was happening. I felt trapped. The reality of of what was happening collided with the accumulated guilt and remorse of 10 years of alcoholic drinking and thinking. There seemed no way out--no con to pull--no scam to be had--no drink or drug to help me escape. I felt totally hopeless , terrified and alone.
As I began to weep a overwhelming sensation gripped me from head to toe. I sensed a presence. It was completely strange and yet comforting. I had emerged from black-outs to find myself in emergency rooms,drunken motorcycle wrecks , street benches and even jail, but I had never felt this way. It was clear that the charade was up and no longer could I live and pretend that drinking alcohol was not a problem and more importantly-I no longer had to....... In an instant I owned the wreckage of my past and just as quickly a feeling of complete and total surrender consumed me......I emerged from this free-fall knowing with as much certainty that the sun will rise that I never had to drink again and everything was going to be all right. Exhausted and filled with a great spirit I wept tears of joy and passed out.
Maybe 5 minutes -perhaps hours later-the curtains around my hospital bed were pushed aside by a doctor and a policeman. "I have good news" said the policeman-"I have bad news" said the doctor. The policeman explained that I had passed-out while driving, crossed a medium and crashed into building. He said that no one else was injured and if it had not been for a passerby calling 911 I could have bled to death. "That's the good news. Now the bad news "said the doctor " your neck is broken and you are experiencing some paralysis-we do not know the extent of your injuries, you could be in traction with a metal halo screwed into your head for 90 days or we may have to operate. The policeman is here for a sample of your blood in order to determine its alcohol content" and rather abruptly he ended with "any questions?"
And so began--on 5/12/85 The end of one life and the beginning of another. Thank God I got to AA soon after to put words to what happened to me in that emergency room and allow the fellowship of AA to nurture Gods gift of a spiritual experience into a spiritual awakening.
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